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01 January 2013 @ 03:10 pm
Considering there are only less than 10 rules in being a member of this community, one would think everyone would follow them. But apparently people do not read the rules before joining, or they just choose to ignore them. This is becoming a very huge issue apparently. I am going to take this time to address each rule right now. If you do not follow EVERY rule I will ban you, as your mod I have that responsibility.

RULE #1: You must have an eating disorder to join this community. This isn't a quick fix to weight loss. You need to have a genuine eating disorder to post here.
Pretty self explanatory, isn't it? But we are CONSTANTLY getting people here saying how they want to lose weight because they simply feel 'fat'. That is not how an eating disorder works. And considering it's almost summertime I know there are going to be dozens of posts like that. I WILL be deleting them immediately before people can give them tips on how to loose weight in an unhealthy way.

RULE #2: Please put any pictures behind a cut, if you don't I will give you one warning and if you still fail to delete your post I will delete it.
This is an extremely important rule and everyday someone ignores it. I don't care if it's just a photo of your dog, it needs to be placed behind a cut. ESPECIALLY if it's something that could be triggering. If you do not know how to put a photo behind a cut it's very, very simple. Take a look here

RULE #3: Do not distribute dangerous advice to others that could harm them.
I cannot stress this rule enough. If I see a comment of someone telling another member how to purge, lose weight rapidly, or what diet pills or laxatives to use, I will delete your comment immediately. This community will NOT be the reason someone became ill, developed an eating disorder, or even died.

RULE #4: We do not encourage "group fasts" here. Do not ask for people to join you in harming yourself.
These 'group fasts' or 'texting buddies' can become very dangerous. Some people may even use them as a competition and therefore become very ill. I understand some people want the support of a texting buddy but I know for a fact most people will send a text to the other person telling them to stop eating or tell them 'they're strong enough not to eat.' Disgusting. It is also very dangerous on the account you have no idea who is on the other side of that phone. It could be ANYONE.

RULE #5: Do NOT post your exact location when/if filling in "Current Location". This is for your safety.
I know a lot of your phones automatically put your current location into your post, but it is strictly against the rules. All I'm asking is that you check your post once it's posted to make sure it is not added to it. If you do not delete it, your post will eventually be deleted itself with no warning.

RULE #6: Do NOT delete comments on your entry or replies.
This is very common with people who do not have an eating disorder to begin with. They get angry at what other members have to say, to keep them safe, so they end up deleting comments they don't like. I, as well as the other mod, will not tolerate this. It is out of respect you keep those comments on your posts, whether you like them or not. If they are harmful or disrespectful towards you, send a PM to me and I will take care of it.

Simple, right? If you have any problems with any of these rules, contact me through PM, or comment here.
08 December 2016 @ 06:15 pm
But then I realized I'm too fat to have an ED haha...

So last year I was obly about 30/40 pounds away from my ugw. And then somehow I regained it all. I'm about 60 pounds away from my ugw. All my hard work. Gone. I can't imagine being this far from my ugw means I actually have an ed. I'm way too fucking fat.

Just ranting.
07 December 2016 @ 07:43 pm
I feel like I'm trash.

I feel like I'm fat even when the scale says I've lost weight.
I feel like I'm ugly even when people say I look nice.
I feel like a failure even when people tell me I'm not.

But if someome could just touch on, validate, understand and appreciate what I do feel.
But if someone could just tell me... tell me I'm trash.
Then I might believe.

Sorry feel free to ignore this I'm just being bleh.
07 December 2016 @ 05:53 pm
i have slipped. convincced myself that i need food that i like eating. what the fuck.
i have just eaten three white bread with a pot noodle and a full fat yogurt WHAT THE FUCK.
i must get back to normal, normal for me. i cant eat. i mustnt eat. why do i do this to myself. i know i dont like the feeling i get after i eat so why am i eating?
i will have one apple tomorrow and that will be it. and because i am a fat freak of a failure i will not be allowed tea or coffee. just water and diet drinks from the cafe. and what ever my mate buys from supermaket that is fat free and calorie free. i have gained some weight back. i havent exercised properly for a while. ffs.
i can do this ... i have done it before i can do it again... i can i can i can.
06 December 2016 @ 11:33 am
Literally, I'm just posting to get this out of my system in a like-minded forum.

I started a new diet on the 1st. I've stuck to it pretty well, yesterday morning I woke up and binged hardcore but it's okay cause I purged it all back up. And then some. I maintained the weight I was at before the binge.

I'm already down about 5 or so pounds in this first few days and my wife tells me last night as I'm getting dressed for bed, "wow, you're *so* skinny!" and then she says it again. I'm like, 'okay well I'm not yet, I will be though' and she just gets frustrated. But like, if she's feeling fat (which happens from time to time) if I tell her she looks fine she gets ticked off at me and says she's not. So then if I tell her she's right and she's put on a few pounds she gets pissed again. But then when I say 'I'm not skinny yet, I will be though' she gets just as equally pissed. I don't weigh much less than her and we are totally different heights and builds.

I don't fully understand what the problem is or where it comes from or what. If it's because if she doesn't want me to be skinnier or more fit than her or if she genuinely believes that I'm skinny now. Because, normally I'd say, it's the last one or something, but she supports my dieting habits when I tell her what they are and I've told her my goal and she says that's fine.

Fucking mixed signals.

I ate soup today (160 cal) and could only purge up like a third of it. So I gave up, drank some lax tea and am drinking my diet sodas. I had a good smoke sesh with some delish green and had a cigarette. So looks like I'll be crashing out to bed soon instead of going to the gym because I'm a piggy. Haha.

I just wanted to get this out there. Thanks guys.
05 December 2016 @ 09:12 pm

So I go from I cant eat that one day, to, it's ok to eat that another day (something much worse) but then i can't stand it in my stomach and I have to get rid... oh ED life how I have missed you... Like the devil slowly creeping up on my back and taking over my thoughts and life once again. But also much like home...

04 December 2016 @ 10:23 pm
I was 115 earlier this year and now I'm... much heavier. How do you gain near 40 pounds in 6 months??? I'm so depressed. I'm going to start heavily restricting tomorrow. I want to make friends so please feel free to add me.
04 December 2016 @ 12:44 pm
I woke up and so far ive had a 0 calorie soda. My half brother keeps bugging me to eat something and that i should eat something and he can make me something. I mean i appreciate it , but please stop hovering all over. Im done just please can they not leave me alone just 1 day just one.
The sad thing is i was not going to have lunch but i dont know if its because of the falls i had friday, but im starting to feel hungry constantly. And right now, im so hungry. I hate that i have to eat lunch but im hungry
04 December 2016 @ 11:31 am
But more annoyed and more fed up and a little scared. So Thursday night my sister went to hang out with her friends and told me if i could keep out of doing bad behaviors. I said yes i said i wasnt going to do anything. So what happens, she leaves and i do a bp episode , then i take laxatives on an empty stomach so ofcourse it hit me pretty bad. But not right that second, it happened friday morning. I woke up to weigh myself, all of a sudden i was already on the floor shaking, so i quickly got up and went to the room. On the way there i fell again. Then i slept it off and took a shower. But then i went back to sleep. Woke up and brush my teeth and all of a sudden my sister started calling my mom and told me to get up asking me if i was ok. Then i got up and went to the room i said i just needed to lay down but in the process i dont know what happened but all of a sudden i was in bed. Mom pulling my shirt up saying my stomach was all pulled in tight to the bones, i thought she was kidding but it was like my skin was eating my bones. Then i said sorry and my sister said she felt guilty for leaving me alone yesterday. I said it wasnt her fault . i didnt say the bp episode nor the laxatives. I just said i ate a tiny bit of cereal and that was it. Then in the afternoon i finally told my mom about the scale i hide. So i gave it to her.but because i was trying to hide it again but she had already seen it, thinking it was my half brothers. Which i quickly said no it was mine and its been hiding for months. When my half brother got home , he said the bathroom had a hole in the wall. At night mom asked me if i had fell in that bathroom and i said yes. Thats when she told my dad and my dad said if i would of fell down a bit below the wall, i would of hit the concrete and died. So i got really lucky again, God saved me one more time.
Dad also said he loved me and he told me things for a reason and that he was glad i was still alive but to get better. He didnt want me dead yet. He seemed like he was crying , but at that moment i didnt notice anything. I just hugged him and tears fell.
Yesterday was my nieces bday party, we came and i ate 2 tamales a bit of beans and 2 cookies and a cupcake. 2 bottles of water and i hid 3 in my pocket. I dont know who saw me but when mom left she told me to leave with her. It wasnt until my sister and half brother said they were going to take care of me that she said yes. Then i ate a slice of pizza and then went to sit down. My half brother immediately went and said to not eat in secret. So he did see me put the cookies in my pocket, otherwise he wouldn't have of said anything. Then i went to bed, and my half brother sent my half sister to tell me to give her
My jacket. So i told him to let me be that my sister had cameras to shut it down for tonight. He didn't, he sent her again and i told him to back of. Something happened in the process. I dont know if my sisters know or what, but today when i woke up, my cookies were gone. My jacket was somewhere where i hadnt left it, and the pockets were left open. At least my money was still in there.
I came downstairs but im not hungry at all. I was just thirsty but now im cold. And i want to know how much i weigh so freaking bad. And more than anything, i want people to leave me the fuck alone. Even though i know i was about to die , i just want them to stop hovering all over me. I hate attention, i don't do it for attention, i just want to be left alone