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01 January 2013 @ 03:10 pm
Considering there are only less than 10 rules in being a member of this community, one would think everyone would follow them. But apparently people do not read the rules before joining, or they just choose to ignore them. This is becoming a very huge issue apparently. I am going to take this time to address each rule right now. If you do not follow EVERY rule I will ban you, as your mod I have that responsibility.

RULE #1: You must have an eating disorder to join this community. This isn't a quick fix to weight loss. You need to have a genuine eating disorder to post here.
Pretty self explanatory, isn't it? But we are CONSTANTLY getting people here saying how they want to lose weight because they simply feel 'fat'. That is not how an eating disorder works. And considering it's almost summertime I know there are going to be dozens of posts like that. I WILL be deleting them immediately before people can give them tips on how to loose weight in an unhealthy way.

RULE #2: Please put any pictures behind a cut, if you don't I will give you one warning and if you still fail to delete your post I will delete it.
This is an extremely important rule and everyday someone ignores it. I don't care if it's just a photo of your dog, it needs to be placed behind a cut. ESPECIALLY if it's something that could be triggering. If you do not know how to put a photo behind a cut it's very, very simple. Take a look here

RULE #3: Do not distribute dangerous advice to others that could harm them.
I cannot stress this rule enough. If I see a comment of someone telling another member how to purge, lose weight rapidly, or what diet pills or laxatives to use, I will delete your comment immediately. This community will NOT be the reason someone became ill, developed an eating disorder, or even died.

RULE #4: We do not encourage "group fasts" here. Do not ask for people to join you in harming yourself.
These 'group fasts' or 'texting buddies' can become very dangerous. Some people may even use them as a competition and therefore become very ill. I understand some people want the support of a texting buddy but I know for a fact most people will send a text to the other person telling them to stop eating or tell them 'they're strong enough not to eat.' Disgusting. It is also very dangerous on the account you have no idea who is on the other side of that phone. It could be ANYONE.

RULE #5: Do NOT post your exact location when/if filling in "Current Location". This is for your safety.
I know a lot of your phones automatically put your current location into your post, but it is strictly against the rules. All I'm asking is that you check your post once it's posted to make sure it is not added to it. If you do not delete it, your post will eventually be deleted itself with no warning.

RULE #6: Do NOT delete comments on your entry or replies.
This is very common with people who do not have an eating disorder to begin with. They get angry at what other members have to say, to keep them safe, so they end up deleting comments they don't like. I, as well as the other mod, will not tolerate this. It is out of respect you keep those comments on your posts, whether you like them or not. If they are harmful or disrespectful towards you, send a PM to me and I will take care of it.

Simple, right? If you have any problems with any of these rules, contact me through PM, or comment here.
20 February 2017 @ 06:49 am

Hi! Sorry to those of you who replied ages ago to my posts and I didnt. Things have been...strange. And hard. I found out a close friend is leaving, and then I also found out about someone I know (best way to describe him...)

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Needless to say I have been drinking again and my eating has been all over the place, as has my head and sh urges.

Hope you guys are doing ok?

03 February 2017 @ 09:01 pm
I'm sure if I could remember my old screen names, most of you would remember me. But honestly I can't. Only one of you knows me as Jude. Everyone else knows me as Em or Jane. I came out as transgender late 2015, so it's Jude now.

I'm not even sure why I'm here...I think I just need a place to vent and be heard. I feel so alone right now. I feel so unheard and unnoticed and taken for granted.

Psych meds = weight gain as always. It seems the only times I'm thin I'm also batshit crazy. Even keel means the scale goes up. Just how it is. I wish I could say I'm about to start T (Testosterone). But...considering my damn rent takes up 80% of my paycheck I'm constantly broke. So we'll see I guess. Supposedly it'll help the weight thing but who knows.

Tonight...I just wanna keel over dead. I'm so tired of everything. My job is bullshit. My coworkers have no personal responsibility and even though I've had less training than them I'm expected to catch their mistakes while they bitch about how they're poor lost puppies and don't know what they're doing. My meager paycheck gets me by by the skin of my teeth because my 600 sq ft one bedroom apartment is $1400 a month. That would be $200 more than my family's house in Alabama which is 3000 sq ft with a garden area, pool, and half an acre. My body is everything I hate. Boobs, vag, fat, flab.

I will never be what I want to be. No matter what I do I'll never get there. The best of science cannot get me where I want to be. So why bother. What the hell is the point.
02 February 2017 @ 09:54 pm
My mom can be so fucking triggering!!!
I was preparing some lunch for tomorrow for my bf and then she started saying it was a lot of food for him that I want him fat!!! OMG!!
But she didn't say it once or twice but like 5 times!!!
Idk why my family can't understand how all this body shape and food stuff can hurt me... even if we went to theraphy together a year ago they have never understood my problem... I think they just think I was looking for attention or it wa something like a chapter in my life or idk what...
27 January 2017 @ 02:40 pm
I should be grateful for the life I already have. Good friends, a lovely bf almost my husband, a lovely family a lovely dog, a good job, a good economy position. I really should be grateful with the life I have I have nothing to blame about it and that's why I'm going to try to enjoy it everyday at every moment. And fight this fucking Ed that ruins all my days.
26 January 2017 @ 07:21 pm

I got stuck in a b/p cycle the last few days and I've drunk alcohol for the first time in 6 weeks. I managed a whole 6 weeks and then caved. I had been restricting heavily during that time too and managed to lose a decent amount of weight. But now i feel like ive gained it all back 😢 My stomach hurts so much. And emotionally i feel crap too. I just want my control back. I dont even want to drink again.

I've bought some safe foods today so i can have those tomorrow and hopefully that will get me back on track and make things feel a bit better. I am still quite determined with the not drinking. I think i needed to get it out of my system and see it as a slip and then move on from there...my heads just not very focused at the moment...

26 January 2017 @ 12:31 am
Terrible day, my dad got mad with me, my bf is always blaming about my family. I feel stressed out bcs of the wedding and bcs of the money for the wedding.
Can't focus in what I have to study... friends don't text back... I feel alone...
i purged today and I have to accept I felt much better after it... like released...
i know I'm depressed bcs I'm sad all the time and I don't want to get up from bed. Maybe just stressed bcs all this shit going on...
i feel no one can really understand what I'm going through, I mean... stressed bcs exams, stressed bcs of the wedding and all the day when I wake up the first thought in my mind: "shit I hcr to exercise, in too fat" and "I'm going to fast today"
I feel misunderstood by all the people around me... they can't understand how my days are like: exercising or not, eating or not and OMG how ugly and fat I am I need to stop eating.
They can't understand my own fight with my Ed and then the feeling of sadness, loneliness and all the normal stuff to be worried about like grades...
idk what else to do... I don't know how to express myself and let them know how I feel right now. I tried to talk to my bf but he didn't understand... he tries to Make me feel better by singing or trying to make me laugh but it doesn't work. My dad doesn't understand why I'm acting like this and I try to explain him but he didn't understand. My mom tries to say me that everything is all right and that I should forget all my problems...
do they know how is to feel like shit all the time? Do they know how is to feel fat all the time? Or go si yo fight with yourself and with food all the time? Or feeling sad all the time?
No they don't do how can I just forget all my problems? WTF
25 January 2017 @ 12:30 am
So I wish I could post something positive but the truth is I'm not ok... still depressed, even my bf told me I was in a very strange mood. I told him I was ok.
But something good during my day :) I ate a orange! I mean I just ate it, no thoughts in my head about eating it ir not, I just ate it and enjoyed it. It was like kind of weird bcs when I noticed I was eating it without ed thoughts in my head i thought about the last time it happened that. I don't remenber... normally i think at every thing i eat:
Should I eat this? This is going to make me fat... I shouldn't. Well I shouldn't but I'm gonna eat it it's ok,I'm going to be fat...
and this time I didn't think anything I just ate it
It's hard to explain.. what. I just ate it!! I don't know if you knows what "just ate it" means! :)
24 January 2017 @ 12:51 am
So... things aren't ok...
i binged again today. Everything was ok... tuna and vegetables then I ate chocolates and tortilla and bread!! Shit!
Im a fat whale :( I hate myself and I hate my body.
I don't want to eat and then I eat and I hate myself.
I feel alone. I need someone to support me.
Sometimes I wish I were very ill... i know I shouldn't...