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01 January 2013 @ 03:10 pm
Considering there are only less than 10 rules in being a member of this community, one would think everyone would follow them. But apparently people do not read the rules before joining, or they just choose to ignore them. This is becoming a very huge issue apparently. I am going to take this time to address each rule right now. If you do not follow EVERY rule I will ban you, as your mod I have that responsibility.

RULE #1: You must have an eating disorder to join this community. This isn't a quick fix to weight loss. You need to have a genuine eating disorder to post here.
Pretty self explanatory, isn't it? But we are CONSTANTLY getting people here saying how they want to lose weight because they simply feel 'fat'. That is not how an eating disorder works. And considering it's almost summertime I know there are going to be dozens of posts like that. I WILL be deleting them immediately before people can give them tips on how to loose weight in an unhealthy way.

RULE #2: Please put any pictures behind a cut, if you don't I will give you one warning and if you still fail to delete your post I will delete it.
This is an extremely important rule and everyday someone ignores it. I don't care if it's just a photo of your dog, it needs to be placed behind a cut. ESPECIALLY if it's something that could be triggering. If you do not know how to put a photo behind a cut it's very, very simple. Take a look here

RULE #3: Do not distribute dangerous advice to others that could harm them.
I cannot stress this rule enough. If I see a comment of someone telling another member how to purge, lose weight rapidly, or what diet pills or laxatives to use, I will delete your comment immediately. This community will NOT be the reason someone became ill, developed an eating disorder, or even died.

RULE #4: We do not encourage "group fasts" here. Do not ask for people to join you in harming yourself.
These 'group fasts' or 'texting buddies' can become very dangerous. Some people may even use them as a competition and therefore become very ill. I understand some people want the support of a texting buddy but I know for a fact most people will send a text to the other person telling them to stop eating or tell them 'they're strong enough not to eat.' Disgusting. It is also very dangerous on the account you have no idea who is on the other side of that phone. It could be ANYONE.

RULE #5: Do NOT post your exact location when/if filling in "Current Location". This is for your safety.
I know a lot of your phones automatically put your current location into your post, but it is strictly against the rules. All I'm asking is that you check your post once it's posted to make sure it is not added to it. If you do not delete it, your post will eventually be deleted itself with no warning.

RULE #6: Do NOT delete comments on your entry or replies.
This is very common with people who do not have an eating disorder to begin with. They get angry at what other members have to say, to keep them safe, so they end up deleting comments they don't like. I, as well as the other mod, will not tolerate this. It is out of respect you keep those comments on your posts, whether you like them or not. If they are harmful or disrespectful towards you, send a PM to me and I will take care of it.

Simple, right? If you have any problems with any of these rules, contact me through PM, or comment here.
20 April 2014 @ 08:55 pm
Plain oatmeal
Ancient grains bread
Light peanut butter
Brown rice
Canned beans (chickpeas, etc)
Vegan margarine

The total of having oatmeal, a peanut butter sandwhich, and rice with beans in one day is 790 calories. Is that low enough? I could have my sandwhich on one slice instead of two which would take away 120 cals and I could lower my rice and beans serving size. Or I could just have oatmeal and a peanut butter sandwhich and skip supper.

I guess I'll know by the scale what works best. I still plan to fast when I can. I lost 5 lbs on my three day fast. But more important is to get into a solid exercise routine every day.

I can do this.
21 April 2014 @ 12:21 pm
I feel like this ED is another person... a controlling person who is never pleased... someone you always have to ask permission from before doing anything. Everything has to agree with it... and I feel all the other elements in my life are failing because they don't.
Every time someone asks "Do you have any special considerations? / any problems that may hinder you?" I just can never mention my depression, anxiety or ED. It's always an enthusiastic or polite "No, of course not :)". I just don't believe they're "bad" enough or "real" enough to be considered (and really I don't want to admit that this affects me... how stupid does that sound?) even though they GREATLY hinder how I function (but other people have "real" problems right?).
And then people can't understand why some days I struggle so greatly, and they think I am not trying hard enough when I it was an effort to get out of bed, get dressed and paste a on a poorly faked smile.
I just want this to be over. I want to be done. This freezes me & keeps me walking in circles. I am completely lost at time.
But you all know me a bit by now, I will change my mind and be full of fake "hope" and be far too enthusiastic again until I fall down or sabotage myself.

20 April 2014 @ 07:19 pm
. Today:
I went with my mom and dad to the forest and my dogs went too. We walked a lot and it was funny and relaxing until they wanted to eat. We ate quesadillas, I was forced to eat one (well not forced but I don't want them to know about my ed, I will be ashamed and I don't want them to worry either. The frustrating part of the food was (it was already hard to eat the quesadilla thinking I shouldn't eat it at each bite bcs I will be fat) that my mom pushed the food into a napkin bcs it was fatty so the napkin to absorbs all the fatty. When we were at the car for going back home she said she felt guilty bcs of the food. That was like a shoot to my head and thoughts and made me feel worst.
Then we brought a coffee and donuts bcs my mom wanted one. I was on the line for ask them while I was thinking about all cals on the donut, and watching a girl next to me. She was overweight and she was laughing, she was very happy talking with friends, then this question came to me (I know I shouldn't think like this but I can't avoid it, I just think about it)
How she can be so fat? How can she be fat without worrying about it?
And the main question:
How people can just eat without thinking how fat food would make them? It's something weird but it's something that I can't understand... Maybe bcs I'm always thinking about this but I can't imagine a person without thinking not to be fat. Idk but it's something I can't even imagine
20 April 2014 @ 08:35 am
I hope everyone has a great day. Take care of yourselves and be happy.
19 April 2014 @ 11:21 pm
I know that if I decide to I can keep going, as long as it takes. But I've been down this path before and I know how miserable it is. I already struggle enough through each day with anxiety, depression, and PTSD, and now adding complete deprivation on top of it is making my anxiety levels go up, my mood go down (at the end of the day), and I can't work on any of my writing projects, concentrate long enough to watch a movie or read a book... And it's only day 3! I've been told day three is the hardest, so maybe I'm getting discouraged before I reach the easier part... But all the recovery stuff I learned in the ED program is still stuck in my head and keeps up this non-stop argument with my anorexia.

Like I know that while it may take longer, there are healthier, more reasonable ways of losing weight, that won't leave me malnutritioned. Ways that will end up with me stronger, instead of weaker, in the long run. I just have to be diligent with my workouts, and patient with the results. I've got no energy to workout on this fast.

I will feel like such a loser, and epic failure, if I quit this fast. But I can either go for fitness and health, or I can end up sick and miserable.

Guys, your opinions please. What about a compromise - intermittent fasting. Like where I fast every other day?

I don't know what to do.
19 April 2014 @ 07:45 pm
Day 3 of my fast. I got terribly hungry, and had no energy, and was SO tempted to buy a date bar at Second Cup where I was meeting a friend, but I stayed strong and just ordered black coffee. Now I'm back home and there's no food in the house so there's no chance of me eating. I wonder if the fast will get easier or harder after today but either way I'm determined to last as long as possible!
19 April 2014 @ 01:55 pm
So I've been eating but mom and sister say ita too little

They said I'm not trying enough and when I told them to help me go to ip thry said its for cowards

Then I eat small meal and mom and sister say I don't wnt to change.
Only good thing is I'm able to use my phone that's it

But about working sister still insist of me going to work
And I have to ler the door open when I shower when I pee when I am alone which I'm never allowed to be alone

I also ate lot of fruit and half a gordita which I shouldn't have because I feel far too full
19 April 2014 @ 08:11 pm
yet i cant seem to get enough exercise to beat my fatness i need some super calorie burning exercises i cant cut my food intake anymore i am hovering between 100 and 200 calories a day and cycling as much as i can which is no way near enough
somethings up with my blood which is making me tired i hope its something thats fixable and doesnt have weight gain as a side effect ideally it ll be something that will be fixed and help me loose weight
been drinking aspire drinks which are supposed to help your body burn 200 calories per can fingers crossed im sick of being fat