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01 January 2013 @ 03:10 pm
Considering there are only less than 10 rules in being a member of this community, one would think everyone would follow them. But apparently people do not read the rules before joining, or they just choose to ignore them. This is becoming a very huge issue apparently. I am going to take this time to address each rule right now. If you do not follow EVERY rule I will ban you, as your mod I have that responsibility.

RULE #1: You must have an eating disorder to join this community. This isn't a quick fix to weight loss. You need to have a genuine eating disorder to post here.
Pretty self explanatory, isn't it? But we are CONSTANTLY getting people here saying how they want to lose weight because they simply feel 'fat'. That is not how an eating disorder works. And considering it's almost summertime I know there are going to be dozens of posts like that. I WILL be deleting them immediately before people can give them tips on how to loose weight in an unhealthy way.

RULE #2: Please put any pictures behind a cut, if you don't I will give you one warning and if you still fail to delete your post I will delete it.
This is an extremely important rule and everyday someone ignores it. I don't care if it's just a photo of your dog, it needs to be placed behind a cut. ESPECIALLY if it's something that could be triggering. If you do not know how to put a photo behind a cut it's very, very simple. Take a look here

RULE #3: Do not distribute dangerous advice to others that could harm them.
I cannot stress this rule enough. If I see a comment of someone telling another member how to purge, lose weight rapidly, or what diet pills or laxatives to use, I will delete your comment immediately. This community will NOT be the reason someone became ill, developed an eating disorder, or even died.

RULE #4: We do not encourage "group fasts" here. Do not ask for people to join you in harming yourself.
These 'group fasts' or 'texting buddies' can become very dangerous. Some people may even use them as a competition and therefore become very ill. I understand some people want the support of a texting buddy but I know for a fact most people will send a text to the other person telling them to stop eating or tell them 'they're strong enough not to eat.' Disgusting. It is also very dangerous on the account you have no idea who is on the other side of that phone. It could be ANYONE.

RULE #5: Do NOT post your exact location when/if filling in "Current Location". This is for your safety.
I know a lot of your phones automatically put your current location into your post, but it is strictly against the rules. All I'm asking is that you check your post once it's posted to make sure it is not added to it. If you do not delete it, your post will eventually be deleted itself with no warning.

RULE #6: Do NOT delete comments on your entry or replies.
This is very common with people who do not have an eating disorder to begin with. They get angry at what other members have to say, to keep them safe, so they end up deleting comments they don't like. I, as well as the other mod, will not tolerate this. It is out of respect you keep those comments on your posts, whether you like them or not. If they are harmful or disrespectful towards you, send a PM to me and I will take care of it.

Simple, right? If you have any problems with any of these rules, contact me through PM, or comment here.
04 August 2015 @ 10:11 am
Vacation is finally over...I did better than I thought I would and actually learned a lot about myself and my relationship with food by spending time with my mom. Apparently food issues were/are a big part of my mom's life as well, but she never opened up about it to me until this week. I think knowing more about my mom's history of food abuse and misuse helped me to see more of the WHY I am like I am. I have a lot of learned behaviors from my childhood. Now that I am home again and life is about to get back to normal, I'm hopeful that I can get a grip on myself and take a little more control over my eating. Here's hoping...
04 August 2015 @ 09:16 am
Hi to all. I doubt anyone here knows me or would remember me. I've been a member for quite a while, but have rarely posted. I was trying to recover, and have had the realization that its not something I can do. I tried for a while to switch out one disorder for another. I'm. So. Stupid. I found myself in a place worse than the anorexia. Now Im just fat and have bad habits. I'm going to lose the fat, and try to get my mind somewhere near right. Denial of the anorexia didnt work for me. It wore me out. Im done fighting it. I have to be true to myself, and see what happens from there. Sorry for the long story. I'm hoping to make some new friends here, so please add me if you'd like. I feel so very alone right now.
04 August 2015 @ 11:04 pm
The medication I take for one mental problem has side effects that give me a different mental problem. Why won't anyone take this seriously? I spend nearly $100 a day on food, my teeth are turning brown, I get short of breath and dizzy for no reason, but as long as I can hold down a job, it's no big deal, right? God damn people only worry when you're too skinny, if you're maintaining a healthy weight using unhealthy methods they won't do shit. Whatever, I stopped taking the antidepressants which made me so hungry, so now I don't want to do anything and I either feel irritated or sad or afraid, but at least I can fast again.
04 August 2015 @ 07:54 am
That's what's on the menu for today. Muffins are in the oven for me and my sister for breakfast. Muffins are like...the devil. I love them, but I always feel super guilty and super full after eating them. I feel like they sit in my stomach a long time...which I hate. Meh. Anyways....

Today, I get to finish cleaning the downstairs, so that the guys from church coming at 18:00 can move our furniture all over the house and I will have a perfectly clean dedicated quilt studio downstairs. *heaven feels like this* So that'll be amazing, needless to say.

Then, after all the cleaning, but before the guys from church get here, I have to see my shrink. Yayyyyyy. =P Not. I'm so sick of doctors. Seriously. But I have to go, so there's no use whining about it. I need to go to get meds, and I need meds to stay sane and alive. So yeah.

So that's gonna be my day. The challenge will be not giving in to the cookies my mom and sister are making as a thank you present to the guys moving our furniture. They're making like 6 dozen cookies...*sigh*.

03 August 2015 @ 10:32 pm

I can't wait for morning. Just so I can go to the gym. I feel like my skin is crawling I need to go  so badly. I hate this. But at the same time, I love it too. I'm so messed up...

03 August 2015 @ 08:07 pm
Sooooo fucked up from not purging lunch yesterday omg.

Therapy tomorrow and i think I might come to the end of the ssssion and tell her I'm not going back. I feel like I'm wasting everyone's time and it's so expensive. Feel mean dropping that on my friend that comes with me but I don't want to pre warn him incase he plans to tell her he will pay or something like that because I don't want him to. I know cost shouldn't come into it but i am struggling to find it every week. Still undecided.

I've also just tried some soup and thrown it all up plus shit loads of bile and I am now completely drained. I'm so messed up.
03 August 2015 @ 08:32 am
So it's Monday. I gained exactly one pound over the weekend. Not too bad, I can deal with that. But today it's back on track and back to my goals sheet. Gotta lose that pound plus some again!

I have therapy in an hour and a half, but first I gotta get a special ruler and some special pins from the quilt shop down in the next town over to make my friend's quilt with. We Facebooked her to let her pick out the pattern and colors for her quilt and she picked out these:

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I'm loving it, and it's gonna be so pretty!

So I'm starting that later today, plus we're rearranging the basement to turn it into a dedicated quilt studio, so there's a ton of packing up boxes to do before the guys from church come over to help us move furniture on Tuesday night. Good stuff. I'm kind of inclined to not start it until then...I feel like it might get lost in the shuffle. It's safer being up in my room where nothing is moving lol.

Anyways, time to leave for the quilt shop. Take care, guys! It's good to be home!

02 August 2015 @ 09:05 pm

So in a bid for the normality I mentioned earlier... I decided to try it. I decided to bite the bullet and try it. To eat having not accounted for the calories by exercising. I even suggested to a couple of close friends that after my Grandma's funeral I would seriously have a go at recovery. HOW FUCKING STUPID AM I?! I am not ready for this. I am not going to do this. I cannot do this. Yes I ate. But then I purged. I couldn't keep it in. I couldn't eat having not already accounted for what I was eating. I know purging doesn't get rid of everything, but I can go to the gym tomorrow and sort that. Why did I do this to myself? I hate myself so much now...and I have a headache. I absolutely cannot and will not seek normality again. I need to lose and that is the only way.