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01 January 2013 @ 03:10 pm
Considering there are only less than 10 rules in being a member of this community, one would think everyone would follow them. But apparently people do not read the rules before joining, or they just choose to ignore them. This is becoming a very huge issue apparently. I am going to take this time to address each rule right now. If you do not follow EVERY rule I will ban you, as your mod I have that responsibility.

RULE #1: You must have an eating disorder to join this community. This isn't a quick fix to weight loss. You need to have a genuine eating disorder to post here.
Pretty self explanatory, isn't it? But we are CONSTANTLY getting people here saying how they want to lose weight because they simply feel 'fat'. That is not how an eating disorder works. And considering it's almost summertime I know there are going to be dozens of posts like that. I WILL be deleting them immediately before people can give them tips on how to loose weight in an unhealthy way.

RULE #2: Please put any pictures behind a cut, if you don't I will give you one warning and if you still fail to delete your post I will delete it.
This is an extremely important rule and everyday someone ignores it. I don't care if it's just a photo of your dog, it needs to be placed behind a cut. ESPECIALLY if it's something that could be triggering. If you do not know how to put a photo behind a cut it's very, very simple. Take a look here

RULE #3: Do not distribute dangerous advice to others that could harm them.
I cannot stress this rule enough. If I see a comment of someone telling another member how to purge, lose weight rapidly, or what diet pills or laxatives to use, I will delete your comment immediately. This community will NOT be the reason someone became ill, developed an eating disorder, or even died.

RULE #4: We do not encourage "group fasts" here. Do not ask for people to join you in harming yourself.
These 'group fasts' or 'texting buddies' can become very dangerous. Some people may even use them as a competition and therefore become very ill. I understand some people want the support of a texting buddy but I know for a fact most people will send a text to the other person telling them to stop eating or tell them 'they're strong enough not to eat.' Disgusting. It is also very dangerous on the account you have no idea who is on the other side of that phone. It could be ANYONE.

RULE #5: Do NOT post your exact location when/if filling in "Current Location". This is for your safety.
I know a lot of your phones automatically put your current location into your post, but it is strictly against the rules. All I'm asking is that you check your post once it's posted to make sure it is not added to it. If you do not delete it, your post will eventually be deleted itself with no warning.

RULE #6: Do NOT delete comments on your entry or replies.
This is very common with people who do not have an eating disorder to begin with. They get angry at what other members have to say, to keep them safe, so they end up deleting comments they don't like. I, as well as the other mod, will not tolerate this. It is out of respect you keep those comments on your posts, whether you like them or not. If they are harmful or disrespectful towards you, send a PM to me and I will take care of it.

Simple, right? If you have any problems with any of these rules, contact me through PM, or comment here.
29 July 2014 @ 02:43 pm
i mean to do a liquid cleanse this past weekend so i could fit into interview clothes... well, when your boyfriend is in a band, theres a shit ton of booze and drugs involved. (The latter I did not participate in) There are also people that dictate where and when we are eating WHICH I HATE. So needless to say, i failed the liquid diet.

BUT! I fit in the interview clothes. and now it's in and hour and a half and my hair's still wet.

I'm thinking I'm going to go for a run after the interview... 
29 July 2014 @ 12:49 am
I hadn't seen my brother in a couple months.
I saw him today. He said "wow... You've lost a lot of weight"
Never gets old.
But sadly.... It makes me want to lose more.

I've gained about 5 lbs in the last 3 weeks. I knew these last 3 weeks were going to be hard with my husband home.
He goes back to work Thursday.
I eat so much when he is home.
So starting Thursday I an starting some major restricting

Oh! And also my husband said to me today. "I was looking at old pictures today. Back when you were quite bigger.
You are looking really good. Good job babe"
He has always told me I am beautiful. No matter what size I have been.
But that was really nice to hear.
29 July 2014 @ 09:45 am
Hi girls though i'm stuck on 55kg i've noticed i'm beginning to have a thigh gap that's so encouraging i feel so good love you all girls, i came across a 30 minute boot camp that makes you sweat like hell try fo look for it
29 July 2014 @ 12:53 am
I managed just over three months of no purging. Then I decided to fuck it all up the other day, been purging for the last three days. Feel so disappointed in myself and I have no idea what to do :(
since my last post in november, I had started to get back on the recovery bandwagon; for a few months (and for the first time in literally years), I was happy, I was at a healthy weight, and I could eat (just about) anything I damn near pleased without a consequential thought. the voices were hushed, and I was better for it. I discovered that my healthy weight was a bit higher than I'd thought, but it only bothered me a little bit; I wasn't even aware of my exact weight aside from doctor visits, where it stayed between 120-125 pounds. I started to love my body again, after years of abuse; I loved my new-found hips, ass, breasts, and even the thighs that touched. my clothes fit me again! my family was so proud of and relieved for me, but then, without my awareness, a switch seemingly flipped about three months ago. at first, I started cutting meals, deluding myself that my anorexia wouldn't take hold of whatever weakness I demonstrated, or gobble up the bone that I foolishly threw to it and demand more.

now, everything's different. everyone knows that I'm getting worse, and they're once again at a loss as to what do to about it. I know that I should be in the hospital by now just for the sheer amount of the weight that I lost in the amount of time that I did. I also know that my as my behaviours/symptoms are becoming more erratic and severe, the closer I am approaching a baker-act. and I'm terrified. I don't want them to take this from me; this time it's different, and as much as I hate it, I want to see how far I can fall. before, I could barely go a day without eating; now, it's easier for me to not-eat than it is for me to eat. I am 101 pounds this morning -- three pounds down from three days ago. I am also three pounds away from being clinically underweight and 4.5 pounds from my lowest weight of all time. I feel both thrilled and ashamed, but aren't we all a bundle of contradictions?
Current Mood: conflicted
28 July 2014 @ 07:57 am

Apologies to all who replied on my last post weeks ago!! I tried to reply on my phone but alas it threw a tantrum and I don't have LJ on my iPad as I like to keep this private.

Someone asked what I was studying - I'm doing a BA international hospitality management majoring in event management and food and beverage management, I failed 2 papers last year and had to drop one last semester so still hve at least 12 months left till I graduate !!

Weight / ED wise - sitting high and healthy at a BMI of 19.85 and the uncomfortableness of being in body has become stronger and stronger lately. It has morphed back from being full uncomfortable / a coping mechanism back into genuine body dislike which is much easier to deal with as it sits on me like an old friend.

Today I started doing my 4 week plan which is Pilates every day, walks / ribs a few times a week plus my job as a waitress and yoga on a tiesday night. Am not restricting foods yet but am definitely making more conscious choices over what to eat ! Fitspo or thinspo I'm not quite sure yet!! Am hopin to drop 4kgs (8.8 lbs) by September 1st the healthy way.

In other news my puppy Zeva is doing well, J and I are doing pretty well and so is the business (Zepar) , I'm wanting to do market research to figure out what customers want but am unsure on how to go about it so that's another thing to add to my lost of what I hope to achieve.

My lecturer just arrived (intl f & b mgmt) so better listen to what he has to say and will catch up on posts shortly x

27 July 2014 @ 02:40 pm
I am at a birthday party. Every where I look there is food. I'm hiding inside. I feel like everything thing is crashing which I know is stupid. All I wanna do is purge:(
26 July 2014 @ 12:54 pm
so i have some photos to share. one is a side by side of my current (in undergarments) and one of me at 22 clothed. the second is me at 22 in my knickers. I want to look like the 2nd so bad, but that plum-plum in the front needs to go away, and my hip bones have gotten wider since then. it's ok you can totally tell me I'm fat. I know this. The worst part is i was around 195 in that fatty fatty 2x4 picture and now I'm up to 210. All I can say is that I'm glad i live in Boston now rather than 200 years ago, bc they would have totally harpooned me and sold my blubber for lamp oil by now.

me.Collapse )