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01 January 2013 @ 03:10 pm
Considering there are only less than 10 rules in being a member of this community, one would think everyone would follow them. But apparently people do not read the rules before joining, or they just choose to ignore them. This is becoming a very huge issue apparently. I am going to take this time to address each rule right now. If you do not follow EVERY rule I will ban you, as your mod I have that responsibility.

RULE #1: You must have an eating disorder to join this community. This isn't a quick fix to weight loss. You need to have a genuine eating disorder to post here.
Pretty self explanatory, isn't it? But we are CONSTANTLY getting people here saying how they want to lose weight because they simply feel 'fat'. That is not how an eating disorder works. And considering it's almost summertime I know there are going to be dozens of posts like that. I WILL be deleting them immediately before people can give them tips on how to loose weight in an unhealthy way.

RULE #2: Please put any pictures behind a cut, if you don't I will give you one warning and if you still fail to delete your post I will delete it.
This is an extremely important rule and everyday someone ignores it. I don't care if it's just a photo of your dog, it needs to be placed behind a cut. ESPECIALLY if it's something that could be triggering. If you do not know how to put a photo behind a cut it's very, very simple. Take a look here

RULE #3: Do not distribute dangerous advice to others that could harm them.
I cannot stress this rule enough. If I see a comment of someone telling another member how to purge, lose weight rapidly, or what diet pills or laxatives to use, I will delete your comment immediately. This community will NOT be the reason someone became ill, developed an eating disorder, or even died.

RULE #4: We do not encourage "group fasts" here. Do not ask for people to join you in harming yourself.
These 'group fasts' or 'texting buddies' can become very dangerous. Some people may even use them as a competition and therefore become very ill. I understand some people want the support of a texting buddy but I know for a fact most people will send a text to the other person telling them to stop eating or tell them 'they're strong enough not to eat.' Disgusting. It is also very dangerous on the account you have no idea who is on the other side of that phone. It could be ANYONE.

RULE #5: Do NOT post your exact location when/if filling in "Current Location". This is for your safety.
I know a lot of your phones automatically put your current location into your post, but it is strictly against the rules. All I'm asking is that you check your post once it's posted to make sure it is not added to it. If you do not delete it, your post will eventually be deleted itself with no warning.

RULE #6: Do NOT delete comments on your entry or replies.
This is very common with people who do not have an eating disorder to begin with. They get angry at what other members have to say, to keep them safe, so they end up deleting comments they don't like. I, as well as the other mod, will not tolerate this. It is out of respect you keep those comments on your posts, whether you like them or not. If they are harmful or disrespectful towards you, send a PM to me and I will take care of it.

Simple, right? If you have any problems with any of these rules, contact me through PM, or comment here.
27 June 2016 @ 05:12 am
Hello All,
I've been away for a brief spell. Wish I could say it was because I'm doing better, but it's the complete opposite. A lot of sh*t went down administration-wise at my school where I teach, and the past few months have been absolutely horrible. They fired so many teachers, and the ones of us left knew it was only a matter of time before they found lame excuses and did the same to us. Everyone started turning on each other, and the kids were just so lost and confused. Back in the day, whenever I got anxious, depressed, and/or stressed, I would stop eating.....not great, but at least I would lose weight.....however, now when I am anxious, depressed, and/or stressed I drink a lot which leads me to eat a lot. After about 4 months of this, my husband and I made the decision to move back home (across the country) to be closer to a familial support system and to hopefully get on top of our finances. I already have a new job lined up at a new school system back home, which is amazing, but now we have the replaced pressure of selling our house and moving. Husband left on a business trip this morning, and I'm hoping to use this week that he is gone to reset myself mentally and physically, maybe do a cleanse, and get back to my 1200 calories or less a day. I cannot continue this downward spiral. I need you all back in my life. I've missed my girls, and am glad to finally be able to come back here where I have love and support. Hope you are all well.
26 June 2016 @ 01:44 am

I went graduation dress shopping with mum today and I had to go up yet another dress size and I feel so disgusting :(

22 June 2016 @ 07:31 pm

New highs are a cause for new lows. I went to the doctor today. They weighed me. Oh god, I've gained 18 pounds from my previous highest weight. I'm almost twice the size of my lowest weight me. The idea makes me shudder. So... I told my friends and family that my doctor put me on an incredibly restrictive diet to 'eat clean' or my liver could be seriously damaged. Does it actually make sense? I guess just enough that everyone is agreeing with me. I'm dragging my feet acting like I hate it and everyone is 'helping' me stick to my 'healthy diet'.
If it doesn't make me lose weight, I will soak in alcohol until my skin is soft and soggy and curl in on myself hard enough that it squeezes my fat out of the little rips like a tube of yellow toothpaste.

20 June 2016 @ 10:58 pm

So I got this job recently. It's at Qdoba - basically Chipotle, same idea. Its my second week as of today. They hired me and made it clear they expected the best from me, since I've already had two other jobs (I'm TECHNICALLY still 16. Somehow. Doesn't feel like it. Gonna be 17 soon). I've really been giving it my all, trying my best to learn everything fast and do well. It's exhausting. But apperantly everyone hates me. I tried so hard to be nice and listen but it still happened. I guess its just a part of me. People see me and they are like 'fuck her'.

But anyways, today, we were slammed, and it was just me, the manager, and two brand new people working the line. I was just trying to help as much as possible. The manager kept getting mad at me and being a bitch, while she was super nice to the other kids learning. So obviously, I got a little pissed, but all I did was stay quiet and do what she wanted. She pulled me in the back at told me to stop giving her attitude or to leave. I WASN'T GIVING HER ATTITUDE. I started crying, went and cut myself super bad in the bathroom (first time in a while), then calmed down and went back. Then, two hours later, I asked the cook for more chicken and if he could fry more veggies. He said we were out of chicken then went back to the dishes. I said, "so are you going to fry the fahitas or should I ask her (the manager) to?" And he flipped out and yelled at me and said to stop giving him attitude and that he was already sick of my shit. So I started crying again.

I just dont get it. I'm really trying.

19 June 2016 @ 05:26 pm

I start a new dbt therapy group tomorrow. Scared is putting it lightly. The problem is I'm supposed to be wanting to stop all these harmful behaviours (which at times I do, like really really do), but right now at this very moment I just want to die. I'm sure people on my team just think it's cos I'm scared of starting this, but it's not that. I guess it's partly why I'm going but I wish I was in a more positive place starting something new...

18 June 2016 @ 04:51 pm
Posting again sorry
I am not ok. My weekend is not ok. Meeting at my aunts house. Food food
I'm afraid... I don't want to be fat in afraid of loosing control and this to become a binge eating disorder
18 June 2016 @ 08:55 am
In sorry for posting just sad things.
I'm not feeling good...
It seems like everybody controls my life. Yesterday I was watching a movie with my bf and my mother didn't stop calling me at every minute, that made me mad but I can't say that to my mom bcs she feels sad and starts to cry so I didn't do anything.
Then my sister and my mother saying me to go to bed. OMG I'm 28 I'm supposed to choose when I want to go to bed and it was 1200 I know it was late but I think is my choice if I want to sleep late. I know they do it bcs they worry about the few hours I usually sleep. But that makes me mad.
Then.. I forget everything :( and my be says unlike a little girl he needs to take care. I don't want to continue forgetting everything. I mean I'm responsible in my job buying private life I forget everything and my be got mad bcs I forgot something about his personal private life he told me. Family problems Abd he told me the entire story and I forgot somethings... He obviously got mad butmirethanmad he was sad of knowing I didn't pay attention to something about himself very important.
I feel very bad and I want to bp :(
17 June 2016 @ 08:38 pm

I ate a whole thing of mac and cheese today and I feel disgusting. It's the most calories I've eaten in one day for weeks, and I ate it all in one sitting. My stomach hurts so bad. I hate myself.