Log in

01 January 2013 @ 03:10 pm
Considering there are only less than 10 rules in being a member of this community, one would think everyone would follow them. But apparently people do not read the rules before joining, or they just choose to ignore them. This is becoming a very huge issue apparently. I am going to take this time to address each rule right now. If you do not follow EVERY rule I will ban you, as your mod I have that responsibility.

RULE #1: You must have an eating disorder to join this community. This isn't a quick fix to weight loss. You need to have a genuine eating disorder to post here.
Pretty self explanatory, isn't it? But we are CONSTANTLY getting people here saying how they want to lose weight because they simply feel 'fat'. That is not how an eating disorder works. And considering it's almost summertime I know there are going to be dozens of posts like that. I WILL be deleting them immediately before people can give them tips on how to loose weight in an unhealthy way.

RULE #2: Please put any pictures behind a cut, if you don't I will give you one warning and if you still fail to delete your post I will delete it.
This is an extremely important rule and everyday someone ignores it. I don't care if it's just a photo of your dog, it needs to be placed behind a cut. ESPECIALLY if it's something that could be triggering. If you do not know how to put a photo behind a cut it's very, very simple. Take a look here

RULE #3: Do not distribute dangerous advice to others that could harm them.
I cannot stress this rule enough. If I see a comment of someone telling another member how to purge, lose weight rapidly, or what diet pills or laxatives to use, I will delete your comment immediately. This community will NOT be the reason someone became ill, developed an eating disorder, or even died.

RULE #4: We do not encourage "group fasts" here. Do not ask for people to join you in harming yourself.
These 'group fasts' or 'texting buddies' can become very dangerous. Some people may even use them as a competition and therefore become very ill. I understand some people want the support of a texting buddy but I know for a fact most people will send a text to the other person telling them to stop eating or tell them 'they're strong enough not to eat.' Disgusting. It is also very dangerous on the account you have no idea who is on the other side of that phone. It could be ANYONE.

RULE #5: Do NOT post your exact location when/if filling in "Current Location". This is for your safety.
I know a lot of your phones automatically put your current location into your post, but it is strictly against the rules. All I'm asking is that you check your post once it's posted to make sure it is not added to it. If you do not delete it, your post will eventually be deleted itself with no warning.

RULE #6: Do NOT delete comments on your entry or replies.
This is very common with people who do not have an eating disorder to begin with. They get angry at what other members have to say, to keep them safe, so they end up deleting comments they don't like. I, as well as the other mod, will not tolerate this. It is out of respect you keep those comments on your posts, whether you like them or not. If they are harmful or disrespectful towards you, send a PM to me and I will take care of it.

Simple, right? If you have any problems with any of these rules, contact me through PM, or comment here.
04 May 2016 @ 07:57 pm

I haven't posted in quite a while. I have been reading, but I don't feel worthy of posting since I've been eating a lot of the time :( Not that it feels like it's through choice...long story...but something that may become a new diagnosis. My treatment team are good :) but there's a lot of change going on at the moment.
For those who don't know I am bipolar, and at the mo i am in the middle of another hypomanic (mixed?) episode but find myself sitting on the edge of the river in my city. I dont want to jump in but I come here when I want to OD and usually just before I do. It's odd. My mood is sky high yet I keep SH and getting OD thoughts. I guess I'm writing here again cos I don't know where else to turn. Sorry for just blurting all this out. Hope you guys are good. I miss you xx

04 May 2016 @ 10:37 am
somehow that came into my mind, it must mean something yet idk what.
so I was looking at my birthday pictures and indeed saw weightloss, not the kind I wanted, I want to be thin, yet I saw a small difference in my legs.
so this week ive been eating cereal in the morning and at night, lunch time consists of food. then yesterday we went to taco bell my sister ordered two items I didn't. and said I would eat at home.
once home I was debating between eggs and cereal, gave in to cereal since I was craving it and my sister goes like "really? cereal again? mom shes only eating one food a day, and always eating cereal" mom didn't pay attention and I was glad, maybe she has like a jealousy problem, idk.
then today she didn't wanted breakfast saying she wasn't hungry but her tummy was rumbling as in hunger, I don't know what shes trying to do but she defy has a problem that no one knows about and that no one besides me thinks she has a problem.
but mom told me that if I wanted to give her a present for mothers day then to eat and that would be her gift, she says to eat food and not just cereal. thanks to my sister, my moms telling me now to eat cereal. but shouldn't they be happy that im keeping the food? I have already gained 2lbs from this food today
I feel grossed out and keep body checking
04 May 2016 @ 07:47 am
Everything feels organised and calm when I restrict. Everything feels messy and stressful when I binge. Everything makes sense when I restrict. Nothing makes sense when I binge. I am happier when I restrict; proud of myself. I am sad when I binge; I hate myself. So I just need to keep restricting.
03 May 2016 @ 09:47 am
I woke up today and took a shower. then I was getting ready and mom calls me to make coffe like foreal? she couldn't have of waited until I was ready? she had to interrupt my getting ready time just to make coffee that wasn't for me?
then we were having breakfast and they got mad because I put the sppon of the coffee back in the container to grab more coffee after I had stir my coffee, I know bad hygiene from my part but the mom started saying how all anorexics eat carrots and that's why I did it. they still firmly believe that everything I do is because I read it somewhere. shouldn't they be happy that im eating healthy now? why ruin everything saying that I do it because of that. and honestly I had never heard of such a thing until today. what do they want me to do to stop eating carrots? and I only eat carts when I eat eggs its not like its my every time meal, I only eat them during lunch and that's with eggs. and its not like its everyday. gosh
02 May 2016 @ 10:45 pm

Cant afford treatment they want$100 a day with insurance.... im not even working im a broke student.... im 4 lbs from my gw and i want to recover.... i think i want to recover.... i should recover.... idk what i want to do.... therapy on thur hopefully she can help me get a new game plan

02 May 2016 @ 06:43 pm
talk about weightCollapse )

I went home a week ago and my family had noticed my change saying - girl you've lost weight again! And a cousin at church commented that I had lost a ton a weight especially compared to college..it kinda embarrassing. Like I know that I wasn't that thin thin, but it must be a drastic change for people to be acting the way they are. Like I still don't feel thin. I know I've lost weight, but I don't know how to react because I don't feel it.

A lot of the changes stemmed because my boyfriend moved back home to Nebraska and I'm going to be moving to my home soon in New York to prepare for law school in a year. When he left I didn't have anyone to watch me eat or nag and all of a sudden I was at the gym more and not cooking dinner. It feels so good (i know not good but, my "normal"). I'm falling into a routine, and I'm afraid for when I have to go home to spend time with my family, they are going to be constantly saying that I'm not eating enough - blah blah blah. They're right. But I physically can't eat any more. It's just weird being here again.
01 May 2016 @ 10:10 pm
Last week i nearly told my best friend about my eating disorder. We sometimes have really long deep talks, and i have hinted several times that i am struggling with something. It was like having her try to solve a riddle because i just can't say the words, and i don't know that i'm even ready to. The funny thing is...I don't even want help, but i just don't want to be alone with this secret anymore. But i know that if i tell her everything will change and she will want to help me. I'm afraid of what will happen if i tell her but I feel myself getting closer and closer to telling her. Have any of you ever told anyone, or are you living with people in your lives that know? How did you tell them and what was your reason behind it? How do you manage your relationship with them and the disorder at the same time?
29 April 2016 @ 11:37 am
so yesterday and all this week i havent done anything wrong, except monday when i purged but other than that i havent. i have ate less yes and i have not eaten any sweets which i will never eat sweets again in my life. no chocolate either. just jello or desserts that have no sweet candy if i have to bring my sugar up. no oil foods. i will only use pam spread.
so a cupcake was missing tuesday and of course everyone thought it was me due to the fact that i used to hide food to later bp. but it wasnt me.
then yesterday a sandwhich went missing so of course mom and sister think it was me, but it wasnt. even today in the morning they were like, " if my brother ate it then thats good but if diana ate it or hide it then thats stupid"
which i didnt but of course they dont believe me anymore after all the lies, and i really dont care if they dont want to believe that im truly changing this time i dont care either. they told me to talk to them whenever i want to do something but with this attitude theyre having i dont want to, this will be my battle and mine and my friends only not my family anymore since they dont believe in anything i say.
today mom said i didnt deserve to be trusted and since my birthday is in 2 days i said well then dont celebrate me at all since i dont deserve it and i guess she felt bad but i didnt stop to see her face i just left.
i also think mysister is doing something , the sister that has no history of an ed but i think she does. yet no one thinks so but me, and shes always ragging about how much she eats and how sick and stupid it is to purge. i dont believe her.
and they think that i was hiding food and purging and all of that for attention only. because they said that why would i leave food if i knew they were going to find it. and 1- i didnt and never thought they would find the food and 2- why are you fucking always saying im doing it for attention if i was then why wouldnt i just be able to just eat like you said.. i wouldnt feel bad when eating either and yet i do its a fucking mental battle i have everytime i eat even if its just an apple i feel like a failure and whale.
this week i have gained 2lbs and i feel grossed out but i have to continue my recovery.
im tired i want to give up, but i also want to get my job a car and move out but for that i need to be at a staple weight so nobody tells me anything