Log in

01 January 2013 @ 03:10 pm
Considering there are only less than 10 rules in being a member of this community, one would think everyone would follow them. But apparently people do not read the rules before joining, or they just choose to ignore them. This is becoming a very huge issue apparently. I am going to take this time to address each rule right now. If you do not follow EVERY rule I will ban you, as your mod I have that responsibility.

RULE #1: You must have an eating disorder to join this community. This isn't a quick fix to weight loss. You need to have a genuine eating disorder to post here.
Pretty self explanatory, isn't it? But we are CONSTANTLY getting people here saying how they want to lose weight because they simply feel 'fat'. That is not how an eating disorder works. And considering it's almost summertime I know there are going to be dozens of posts like that. I WILL be deleting them immediately before people can give them tips on how to loose weight in an unhealthy way.

RULE #2: Please put any pictures behind a cut, if you don't I will give you one warning and if you still fail to delete your post I will delete it.
This is an extremely important rule and everyday someone ignores it. I don't care if it's just a photo of your dog, it needs to be placed behind a cut. ESPECIALLY if it's something that could be triggering. If you do not know how to put a photo behind a cut it's very, very simple. Take a look here

RULE #3: Do not distribute dangerous advice to others that could harm them.
I cannot stress this rule enough. If I see a comment of someone telling another member how to purge, lose weight rapidly, or what diet pills or laxatives to use, I will delete your comment immediately. This community will NOT be the reason someone became ill, developed an eating disorder, or even died.

RULE #4: We do not encourage "group fasts" here. Do not ask for people to join you in harming yourself.
These 'group fasts' or 'texting buddies' can become very dangerous. Some people may even use them as a competition and therefore become very ill. I understand some people want the support of a texting buddy but I know for a fact most people will send a text to the other person telling them to stop eating or tell them 'they're strong enough not to eat.' Disgusting. It is also very dangerous on the account you have no idea who is on the other side of that phone. It could be ANYONE.

RULE #5: Do NOT post your exact location when/if filling in "Current Location". This is for your safety.
I know a lot of your phones automatically put your current location into your post, but it is strictly against the rules. All I'm asking is that you check your post once it's posted to make sure it is not added to it. If you do not delete it, your post will eventually be deleted itself with no warning.

RULE #6: Do NOT delete comments on your entry or replies.
This is very common with people who do not have an eating disorder to begin with. They get angry at what other members have to say, to keep them safe, so they end up deleting comments they don't like. I, as well as the other mod, will not tolerate this. It is out of respect you keep those comments on your posts, whether you like them or not. If they are harmful or disrespectful towards you, send a PM to me and I will take care of it.

Simple, right? If you have any problems with any of these rules, contact me through PM, or comment here.
27 August 2015 @ 11:29 pm

Yup the weight is drop dropping.. 
I'm happy about it

27 August 2015 @ 08:20 pm
so my sister in law says she's only eating a super small amount a day and already has lost a ton of weight in just 3 weeks. no one around me understands how triggering it is to hear that. and its so strange but out of everyone in my life, I feel extremely competitive when it comes to her losing weight. I don't know why but I ALWAYS want to be smaller than her. ugh! well here we go again.

no I have the ammo to start getting more tight with my eating. it drives me so insane when I hear her talk about all that stuff and losing all this weight.
27 August 2015 @ 10:01 am

She is abitch. The end .

She tells me ithink you have BDD.. obviously you don't see what we see..

Gee boy you're aFUCKING idiot

Haha not the end, but basically..

Told her i was frustrated about the med issues and she let me know exactly why the doctors won't help me..

She said because of your long history of drug abuse, and you recently miscarriage.. your too high risk for using narcotics as a coping mechanism..

Excuse me??? My long four month history of drug use back from 2009-2010, the one that iwas honest with you about.. and one that hasn't changed since ihad mutt children... That long history?!...

And what because i lost my baby at 14 weeks, now I'm going just go off the deep end and forget about my other three... Gtfoh!!!

So that how that went...

27 August 2015 @ 10:58 am
ok so i got home yesterday and when my sister got out of the room she said hi but kinda like acting like the victim.
so then we ate dinner and she goes like "i can bring some beans tomorrow " and mom says "in what?" and she goes like "im taking the car"
so she then says " and you wake me up tomorrow" and i said "i woke you up today" and she goes like "no you didnt you just want to take the car" and i just ignored her.
so then they went to walk and at night i was studying in the living and mom goes like go to your room and do that there, and i tell her in a little bit. and she says " i dont want to hear you in the bathroom again" and i tell her "mom you didnt hear me, my sister told you which is different" and she goes like " no i heard because you can hear when other people enter that bathroom since its so close to my room"
and i know for a fact she didnt heard me because when i was taking laxatives i would enter the bathroom like every hour and the next day mom wouldnt say a thing, because guess what? you cannot hear anything!
so i just let it go.
she then says " and i want you to talk to your sister, everywhere shes at youre going to be there" and i said "no, i mean what crown does she have that i have to be with her all the time?" and mom got a little sad because before all of this, my sister and i were basically together all day.
but ever since she came back she has talked to me like giving me orders, and expecting everything to be my fault, calling me anorexic, and almost breaking a finger sayingn i keep using behaviors. so of course i dont want to talk to someone whos treating me like that.
so today she took me to work. she was asking me for a ticket, and i told her i didnt found it, and she goes like "well i dont know who got in the car because i even told you im going to put it in here" ok something she obvi did not because the week before she left i wasnt even aware that she had a ticket. so she wouldnt had of told me.
also when she said about the ticket, she sent it by message and i asked her where it was and she said in the car, no specifying anything, if it was true what she said then in the message she would of responded something like "i left it where i showed you" or something like that.
i get inside work and dad goes like "so your sister drop you off?" nd i say yes and he laughs, wth? why doesnt anybody tell her something? why dont they sit and talk to her about this, she doesnt need the f car and yet they only laugh about it.
supposedly he was mad and was going to talk to her about getting more involved in her work and that no more permission to go out. and so far ive seen none of that.
so they only talk and talk but never tell her anything?
wow, just plain wow and annoying as fuck

a couple of mins ago, sister calls and says if i want to stay at my other sisters house and she can bring me here tomorrow, and i say no. we are not talking like before so why stay at a house i wont be confortable sleeping at>?
she says shes staying over there, and i telll her im not and then she says, ok well figure it out later.
sure, but im not staying over there and im defy not going to wait for my brother that gets off until 7 just because you wnt to stay at my sisters for basically no reason, and because you dont want to let me borrow the car
26 August 2015 @ 09:01 pm
I may or may not be remembered. My old account from 2007-2013 was under the name AndroidThin. Regardless, I have spent the last year striving for fitness. I have been eating a regular diet and working out 5 days a week for 45 minutes a day. However, I feel disgustingly fat. I feel so masculine and gross. I can't stand it anymore. I am slowly slipping back to my old ways, and am keeping my intake below 700 calories a day. Eating just enough to pass off any suspicion. I don't understand why though. I was feeling so confident. I really thought all of this was behind me, and that I was better. I've also been slipping from my 5 year long relationship. I have not been faithful and although I feel incredibly guilty, there is this large part of me that wants out. I tend to flip flop everyday between wanting to marry my boyfriend, and wanting to sleep with other people. I didn't know such indecisive behaviour was possible, but I've surprised myself yet again. Anyways, writing in here makes me feel less alone, so I'm going to start up again. Feel free to pass by my rambling, haha.

I have attached a photo if you're curious. I can really see the extra weight in my face. My arms were also getting incredibly bulky, but are just starting to look like fat little sausages now that I've stopped working out. I'm the highest weight I've ever been, aside from my chubby high school phase, and it's starting to get to me.
26 August 2015 @ 10:04 pm
So I officially have no idea what I weigh. Which I knew would be hard, but urgh. I'm home, and my mom is taking my scale so she has one and I'm not tempted to use it. But she hasn't taken it yet, so I'm willing myself not to weigh myself to see how much I gained over vacation at the moment.

I have therapy tomorrow, and I only did part of my homework. I'm debating fudging the rest of it or being honest and just saying I didn't have time for it. Most of me just wants to sleep....

Anyways, bedtime here, as I have to be up in a bit. Night y'all!

26 August 2015 @ 06:23 pm
Absolutely no sugar, alcohol, fatty foods... no cheat days and 4 hours of exercise every day even if it's just a walk. I'm going all out.
26 August 2015 @ 01:52 pm
so dad told me i am coming this week, well glad its wednesday, but yesterday my sister started saying how i had messed up on something about work and just kept going on and on, and then she said now that youre anorexic and i just blocked her out of my mind, how dare she say something like that!? im freaking changing!!! but either way mom said just make sure you pay attention and all that.
dad also toldme to take the car, either way that was what the car was supposed to be used for, and it was my sisters punishment for not presenting herself to work on monday as she was supposed to but decided not to, so dad gave her a week off, and now shes acting like dads the bad guy here. so dad said if i let her keep the car shes going to be acting like shes on vacation all over again.
so i told her that and she said "im going to be taking you in the morning and picking you up" and i said ok, then today i woke her up and she goes like "well take the car" so i took it and telling my mom, then sister calls me an hr or so later asking why i didnt woke her up so i told her what she had said and she goes like i was awake, i heard you when you took the keys and took a shower. (why didnt she woke up then?) so then i dont know what else she said but she hung up.
which seems illogical to me since, if she was awake, why didnt she told me, hold on ill be taking you, or as soon as she heard my mom said dont forget your lunch or she heard the door, or just call me 5 mins later, but why call me an hr later? that just seems very ilogical.
so dad asked me and i told him this.
then mom calls me like at 10am and tells me why i woke up so many times to the bathroom, oh my gosh i woke up 2, and then the third time my alarm went off so i had to get up, so i told her the truth how i needed to go and that was it, and she goes lke if youre doing something tell your dad, and i said "im not" and she said "well you promised me changes remember and i said yes.
i mean just because she wants the car now shes going to be telling my mom things about me?
and yesterday my mom was saying how my older sisters dont get along and she goes like "im going to start hating diana"
oh really? i thought you were liking me now, if this is not love then what is it?
and if you treat me like shit now that supposedly you love me, then if you hate me youre going to kill me or what/? but i just said mmhm and laugh.
at night she told me she had told my other sister to help her get a car, oh my gosh, now shes telling everything to her>? and i told her that and she goes like "we always did, but now that youre bitter like mom and dad you dont want to say anything" and i go like "no, dont say always, we just started talking to her a lot and telling her stuff recently, but not always" and she calls my sister and in between sentences she goes like "well now diana doesnt want to say anything bad about them because i think she doesnt want them to remember that shes anorexic" the fuck! i mean im not , or am i dont f know, but im not doing anythingn right now, and ugh just stresses me out.
i dont even want to go home because i know what will happen, all the talk and shit.
hey i havent weighed myself in like 2 days!!! thats great isnt it?!
but i am drinking diet coke but thats ok since im hydrating
i just dont want to live with my sister, now that she was on vacation i finally realized that far away were better (and thinking i wanted to move in with her)
and i hate sleeping in the same room and she, its like sleeping in the same room as mom during the past months, with the exception that this is also my room, i just need to get a sofa or something and im good

oh also today that i told my mom i was taking the car based on what my sister said, my sister in law was ther and said "well either way why does she need the car i mean she doesnt go anywhere, and yesterday she only got off the house to go pick up diana so she doesnt really need the car" there you go, someone else who also thinks the right way

and sister goes like if theyre doing this to help you, they are not, cause youre going to be paying for insurance and license plates, and i tell her well thats what i was going to do i got a new car either way, and they are helping me because i would have something to go to places, and she goes like you dont get it. i do, shes the one thats trying to change my mind but my mind is already made. am going to get better and no one will say otherwise or make me believe other wise