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01 January 2013 @ 03:10 pm
Considering there are only less than 10 rules in being a member of this community, one would think everyone would follow them. But apparently people do not read the rules before joining, or they just choose to ignore them. This is becoming a very huge issue apparently. I am going to take this time to address each rule right now. If you do not follow EVERY rule I will ban you, as your mod I have that responsibility.

RULE #1: You must have an eating disorder to join this community. This isn't a quick fix to weight loss. You need to have a genuine eating disorder to post here.
Pretty self explanatory, isn't it? But we are CONSTANTLY getting people here saying how they want to lose weight because they simply feel 'fat'. That is not how an eating disorder works. And considering it's almost summertime I know there are going to be dozens of posts like that. I WILL be deleting them immediately before people can give them tips on how to loose weight in an unhealthy way.

RULE #2: Please put any pictures behind a cut, if you don't I will give you one warning and if you still fail to delete your post I will delete it.
This is an extremely important rule and everyday someone ignores it. I don't care if it's just a photo of your dog, it needs to be placed behind a cut. ESPECIALLY if it's something that could be triggering. If you do not know how to put a photo behind a cut it's very, very simple. Take a look here

RULE #3: Do not distribute dangerous advice to others that could harm them.
I cannot stress this rule enough. If I see a comment of someone telling another member how to purge, lose weight rapidly, or what diet pills or laxatives to use, I will delete your comment immediately. This community will NOT be the reason someone became ill, developed an eating disorder, or even died.

RULE #4: We do not encourage "group fasts" here. Do not ask for people to join you in harming yourself.
These 'group fasts' or 'texting buddies' can become very dangerous. Some people may even use them as a competition and therefore become very ill. I understand some people want the support of a texting buddy but I know for a fact most people will send a text to the other person telling them to stop eating or tell them 'they're strong enough not to eat.' Disgusting. It is also very dangerous on the account you have no idea who is on the other side of that phone. It could be ANYONE.

RULE #5: Do NOT post your exact location when/if filling in "Current Location". This is for your safety.
I know a lot of your phones automatically put your current location into your post, but it is strictly against the rules. All I'm asking is that you check your post once it's posted to make sure it is not added to it. If you do not delete it, your post will eventually be deleted itself with no warning.

RULE #6: Do NOT delete comments on your entry or replies.
This is very common with people who do not have an eating disorder to begin with. They get angry at what other members have to say, to keep them safe, so they end up deleting comments they don't like. I, as well as the other mod, will not tolerate this. It is out of respect you keep those comments on your posts, whether you like them or not. If they are harmful or disrespectful towards you, send a PM to me and I will take care of it.

Simple, right? If you have any problems with any of these rules, contact me through PM, or comment here.
08 February 2016 @ 02:40 pm
Yesterday my besy friend was having a birthday party for her daughter. i said i would be there. the night before we prepared all the food for it and had a blast. she left work before me the day of and i told her i would be there at 3. i went home and got ready but suddenly got really nervous and a bad case of social anxiety. Our other friend who always hangs with us wasn't goung to be there, so I wouldn't havr him to hang out with and i barely know the other guests that would be there. they are all older, closer to my friend's age, with kids. i've met them all before and they're perfectly nice, but i'm not comfortable enough around them all to have small talk. i'm not the type of person who can just go to a party alone and make conversation. yes it was at my best friend's house, but she was the hostess, so she would be mingling and making sure everyone is well taken care of, which means she wouldn't be able to stay around me the whole time. i felt like i would just be an awkward wallflower and i stood in my room dressed and ready to go debating on whether or not i should go for 45 minutes. my friend texted and asked about my eta and all i said was "i can't...i'm sorry. don't hate me" she of course texted wanting to know whAt was up but I didn't want to distract her and take her away from the party. although i'm sure my lack of response and the possible scenario in her mind was all she could think of regardless. she texted back later saying she wasn't mad but just wanted to know that i was ok. i confirmed. i feel awful and don't even know how to explain myself when i see her tomorrow. I'm embarrassed...and I haven't eaten since Thursday.
07 February 2016 @ 09:15 pm
Hi everyone!
So I haven't been on here in a month. My health really went down hill and I've been in and out of the hospital. Haven't been in school, it's back first day back tomorrow...I'm so behind missing a full month.
I hope everyone is doing well 💛
07 February 2016 @ 09:17 am
I don't know why I do this tomyself. I always self-sabotage when I get close to z goal. This time I actually hit my first weight goal....only to turn around and gain 4 lbs in a wreek! I don't know why I do it, but I always have. And the whole time I know I'm destroying myself, but I just don't stop......I can feel my thighs rubbing together and my pants screaming accross my fat ass, but I just keep eating. Why is eating such a hard thing to control? Will it ever get easier? I feel like a constant failure........
06 February 2016 @ 08:10 pm

Ok so my stomach has been hurting ALL day and I've been in the bathroom off and on all day..

Which normally i wouldn't complain about, but ihave NO idea why this is happening and it's painful.. i have a hemroid which is causing severe burning.. and the cramping is awful!!!

But that's not the WORST part.
I planned a b/p session tonight.

After all counted it was 2,256 cals.

Well istarted off drinking my soda, and ended right up in the bathroom.. got out took acouple bites, ended up in here..

Gave up after 600 cals... Not even.

Wtf is wrong with me

04 February 2016 @ 01:48 pm

Spent the last hour of my life scrolling through Bernie Sanders memes.

Why am I still here? I'm a burden to society. Nobody cares about me. I'm pointless.

03 February 2016 @ 09:10 pm
I've been cycling hard lately that I haven't had the energy to even post here.

Even though I spend two hours at part b, I still feel like I'm progressively gaining, which just freaks me out more.

I feel like I can't talk to anyone and there are no eating disorder therapists in my area. I want to talk to my mom about it, but I'm ashamed of being the problem child. It's not that she even makes me feel that way, I just feel so much lesser to my sister. Plus, I know it hurts her when there's nothing she can do.

Still, I need to talk to someone about why this keeps happening. My face looks so drawn and tired at work lately.
03 February 2016 @ 08:51 pm
So I had therapy today as I always do on a wednesday.
I found it really hard. I just couldn't talk.

I've purged lots these last 2 days but only cups of tea! Not even food. Before I went to my session tonight I had told my friend and I think it really upset him. I understand why as he must feel like he's banging his head against a wall.
I didn't tell them just how much I threw up (or tried to). Usually when I get to bile I stop but no, I just kept going and going until my heart jumped through my skin.
I am such a mess and I think I'm trying to deny to myself just how bad.
Ever have sessions where you just don't want to talk? I just wanted to go home and curl up and sleep.

I just feel so sad at how far I've slipped again.
01 February 2016 @ 10:11 pm
Ok so this evening was a bit of an achievement for me. I went out with some friends tonight to a restaurant, didn't drink and didn't break down into a wreck like I usually do!
Obviously I can't eat out but I managed to sit and chat and manage.
I really wanted to leave for a few minutes at one point but I was boxed in and I couldn't get out. I had a couple of minutes telling myself in my head that I was ok and I could do it and I did! Not saying I didn't want to leave but being trapped in made me have to cope with it.
I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to go out and eat in public actually because I was sat there thinking that there was no way I could even think of putting something in my mouth! But anyway, just going out and not having to drink wine to get through it was an achievement for me x