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01 January 2013 @ 03:10 pm
Considering there are only less than 10 rules in being a member of this community, one would think everyone would follow them. But apparently people do not read the rules before joining, or they just choose to ignore them. This is becoming a very huge issue apparently. I am going to take this time to address each rule right now. If you do not follow EVERY rule I will ban you, as your mod I have that responsibility.

RULE #1: You must have an eating disorder to join this community. This isn't a quick fix to weight loss. You need to have a genuine eating disorder to post here.
Pretty self explanatory, isn't it? But we are CONSTANTLY getting people here saying how they want to lose weight because they simply feel 'fat'. That is not how an eating disorder works. And considering it's almost summertime I know there are going to be dozens of posts like that. I WILL be deleting them immediately before people can give them tips on how to loose weight in an unhealthy way.

RULE #2: Please put any pictures behind a cut, if you don't I will give you one warning and if you still fail to delete your post I will delete it.
This is an extremely important rule and everyday someone ignores it. I don't care if it's just a photo of your dog, it needs to be placed behind a cut. ESPECIALLY if it's something that could be triggering. If you do not know how to put a photo behind a cut it's very, very simple. Take a look here

RULE #3: Do not distribute dangerous advice to others that could harm them.
I cannot stress this rule enough. If I see a comment of someone telling another member how to purge, lose weight rapidly, or what diet pills or laxatives to use, I will delete your comment immediately. This community will NOT be the reason someone became ill, developed an eating disorder, or even died.

RULE #4: We do not encourage "group fasts" here. Do not ask for people to join you in harming yourself.
These 'group fasts' or 'texting buddies' can become very dangerous. Some people may even use them as a competition and therefore become very ill. I understand some people want the support of a texting buddy but I know for a fact most people will send a text to the other person telling them to stop eating or tell them 'they're strong enough not to eat.' Disgusting. It is also very dangerous on the account you have no idea who is on the other side of that phone. It could be ANYONE.

RULE #5: Do NOT post your exact location when/if filling in "Current Location". This is for your safety.
I know a lot of your phones automatically put your current location into your post, but it is strictly against the rules. All I'm asking is that you check your post once it's posted to make sure it is not added to it. If you do not delete it, your post will eventually be deleted itself with no warning.

RULE #6: Do NOT delete comments on your entry or replies.
This is very common with people who do not have an eating disorder to begin with. They get angry at what other members have to say, to keep them safe, so they end up deleting comments they don't like. I, as well as the other mod, will not tolerate this. It is out of respect you keep those comments on your posts, whether you like them or not. If they are harmful or disrespectful towards you, send a PM to me and I will take care of it.

Simple, right? If you have any problems with any of these rules, contact me through PM, or comment here.
23 July 2016 @ 01:09 pm
Fighting the urge to purge....

Husband is home now and off for the next month while we make our move, and I know this sounds horrible, but I just wish he'd leave for a while. I love him, I really do, but I have no time for myself. I feel like I'm losing myself and starting to spiral again because he's always around and always wanting to eat and always buying me fast food. I try to say no, but he pushes me so much, and then I give in and feel disgusting. Just ate a bag of hot Cheetos and a beef-n-cheddar sandwich. All of it! And I just want to get rid of it all, but he'd hear me and start asking questions again. Usually I'm good at hiding stuff, but we're in a one-room studio right now and I can't escape! Just put on my bikini and just wanted to cut my gut off completely. And my saddle bags. And my back boobs. And my enormous ass.........I'm not doing well. The only way I can even type this is because he's outside with the neighbor now......planning a cookout for tonight which I will be expected to go to and eat and be sociable. I told him I didn't want to eat tonight because I'm still going to be full form lunch today, and he got mad and said I couldn't offend them......what do I do!? I don't know if I'll make it through this next month......
20 July 2016 @ 06:43 pm

Slowly but surely falling back down the rabbit hole. The last few weeks have seen an increase in anxiety and purging and exercise. I finish work for a few weeks on Friday and my plan is to get myself back to the gym - no excuses and back to my diet plan. It's always easier when I'm not at work cos I have the time to plan and I'm not knackered after a long day. I need to stop purging too...and I need to start posting more. I miss you guys!!

19 July 2016 @ 07:21 pm
I feel confused...
One off of me wants to be very ill idk why, one pet of me wants to be sick, look sick and be sick. That crazy part of me wants to have a strange illness. Why? I've thought bcs I want to feel important... Maybe feel myself loved but I don't have a reason to want that bcs my family loves me so much. Why do I think like this?
18 July 2016 @ 01:29 pm
It's been a while since I posted. I mostly am dealing with this water weight -_- I decided to go back to fasting on tea and straight pure cranberry juice. That shit is taaaart though. Even though it's my day off maybe I shouldn't go anywhere because I might forget that I'm fasting and eat before I can stop myself. Before anyone gets worried just know I've been eating and drinking a shit ton and gained 7 lbs *groan* and obviously I take my supplements. I'm just so tired of this weight following me constantly.
18 July 2016 @ 08:23 am
Ok... I feel disgusting, looking at the mirror makes me cry, it's really painful and I can't bare it anymore. I tried to eat, I tried recovery and I tried being normal but I just can't.
I'm crazy... I want to be sick, I want my Ed and I feel fat if I eat normally. Everything goes down slowly... I knew i was slowly relapsing... I didn't care. I wanted to relapse. Crazy? Yes. But that's what I want.
I want to be thin and I really like throwing up, makes me feel better every time I do it.
I purged three days ago and it was awesome, I really felt better. I miss my empty stomach, I miss how I was before, I miss purging and I miss that control I had. I miss the control I had with food and I miss people saying to me I have control with food.
At the same time I am afraid... I don't want to relapse bcs I don't want to put my life in danger. But now... I think my wish to relapse and being in control again is huge.
I start liquid fast today.
Breakfast: coffee
Have a nice day girls and take care
11 July 2016 @ 02:43 pm
I'm new to livejournal but I figured I should join the eating disorder communities considering that's what takes over a huge chunk of my life. My name is Tatiana and I've been suffering from anorexia for about a year now. Right now I'm having a particularly hard time because after a suicide attempt my mom found out about my eating disorder and she seems to think she can make it go away by telling me im pretty and making me eat. Anyway I hope I'll find some friends here and people to vent to
10 July 2016 @ 06:37 pm
I used to be super active on live journal, like 6 years ago. Now, I am struggling and back into my destructive ED behaviors. Just looking for some groups where I can feel less alone. Ana (Mia at times) for 12 years and counting. xxx
06 July 2016 @ 10:42 pm
I guess the last time I posted was after that really hard day at work. That was what, two weeks ago? I've completely lost track of time.

Everything was going well, I was eating close to nothing and ..well I guess that's the only thing but life is just better when I'm not being a disgusting pig. But then my family went on vacation so I was all alone in my house for a week. Blaze binge blaze binge blaze binge blaze. And that fucked up my ability to restrict, apperantly, so now I'm just eating a ton again. I can't fucking deal with myself. I don't want anyone to see me. I don't want to see myself. I'm slowly drowing in self hatred.

The only thing left keeping me alive is this crazy dream of mine. I've been thinking about moving out of state for a while now, because there's nothing left for me in Colorado. Everyone who I know is fake as holy fuck and nobody cares about me here. And then I met some people over League, actually, who live in California. They are the people who I should be surrounded with. They're just my people. Music, games, smoke a bowl and talk about life kind of people. So I've decided to move down there, when I have my GED and some money saved up. I'm honestly so excited. I just wish I could leave now. I'm slowly dying here.

Really need someone to talk to. You guys are the only people I can talk to about my ed. Nobody else really gets it. Plus my garthers came today and my thighs are too fat for them, so a friend to text in need would be awesome. Can't wait for my mother fucking thigh gap. Some day.